Ghosts vs. Vampires, the big debate

I was told today as a joke to write about Ghosts vs. Vampires. so that's what I'm going to do. It was a random choice and I could have as easily been told to write about turtles vs. sweet potatoes, and thank goodness I wasn't because really how much can you say about a turtle vs a sweet potato. One is green, one is orange. One is delicious and one makes a great soup. Oh lord, I'm just kidding! But the point is (which the producers of The Colony will apparently never know) randomness can be entertaining. ;)

So ghost vs vampire. Which one would I pick to be if I had to make a choice? Not that its likely to come up, but then again neither is my salary and sometimes I sit around and contemplate that. So in the interest of fairness I spent some time thinking about this.

If you are a ghost you are dead. If you are a vampire you are dead. Well, that's a tie.


If you are a ghost you get to pass through walls. If you are a vampire you have hands and can open the damn door. One for the vampire I'd say, unless you are a peeping tom and then its one for the ghost.

Ghosts wear white sheets. Vampires wear whatever they want, but it must apparently be made out of silk or velvet. One for the ghost in terms of frugality in these recession hit times, buuuuuut one for the vampire for providing jobs to tailors, salespeople and silk worms.

Ghosts get to appear out of nowhere and startle people, which could be a lot of fun if you think about it. However, vampires can turn both into mists and bats to startle people. While being a bat I would think you run the risk of being hit by an outraged housewife with a broom and as for mist, well just shut the damn window and it can't get in.

Which reminds me, ghosts can go anywhere as far as I can tell and vampires have to be invited into your house or they have to stand on your porch like the Avon lady. (just kidding about the Avon lady, I love Avon - in fact go buy some right now! from Maggie Cockerell at www.youravon.com/mcockerell -accepting cash, check or credit card!) So that one definately goes to the ghost.

Although, once in the house the ghost is limited to wandering about, making ooooooooooooh sounds and maybe, if they are incredibly strong, moving your keys from the counter to under the couch. Vampires on the other hand, once invited into your house are as a corpreal as you are and can play Wii Fit, sit on your couch, or have a snack, which is hopefully not you.

Ghosts and vampires are both restricted to the night so no points for that one on either side.

Ghosts live in houses for the most part and so do vampires. However for the ghosts that house is usually someone elses and for the vampires its usually a fabulous castle somewhere on a rocky crag in the werewolf infested mountains above Luthuania. I'm gonna have to give that one to the vampires. Being a homeowner is far better than being a renter even with the pesky neighbors and their all night howling.

And finally, I'm not sure if ghosts sleep during the day or if they just sort of "Poof!" out when the sun comes up but vampires, they have to sleep in coffins or dirt depending on where they are at the time. I'm going to give that one to the ghosts for being mysterious. And because coffins are just plain creepy and claustrophobic.

Ok, you'll notice, I hope, that I kept to the standard definitions of ghosts and vampires. No new-fangled teenage vampire legends with semi-vegetarian vamps, who even though they are 400 years old still mope about with teenage angst and oozing with teenage boy hormones. (ooohh I detect a note of animosity here). And I stuck to just your garden variety ghosts, no House on Haunted Hill or Poltergeist types which might tip the scales mightly one way or another.

So by my book it looks like they are tied. Since I know which would I would pick, I guess the question is, which one would you?